The Shadows
The life of a college student is a fragile thing; she who may seem mercurial at times, and content at others, may suddenly disappear from your life, taken by a sadness and a desperation she had never shared.
A friend of mine, here at WU, drank alcohol and took too many sleeping pills last night. I noticed she wasn't in Psych lecture, so I asked around and learned what had happened. It beats all. It just beats all, I tell you.
I'm worried for her. I'm worried that being in the hospital will make her sadder. I'm worried that missing school and classes will only stress her out more. I'm worried that whatever is inside of her is destroying her, or has destroyed her already. I worry about these things because, quite simply, I don't know how she is. She is both alive and conscious; I know nothing else.
I'm scared of losing her, too. I'm scared that she'll get taken away, by doctors or her parents. That fear has creeped up on me as the day progressed. I'm scared that she might take herself away; run away or, God forbid, do something more self-destructive than booze and sleeping pills.
I'm not terribly close to her. We're more than tangential friends, but we haven't really come to an understanding yet. There is something about her that appeals to me, though; some divining sense in me, telling me to dig. I want to know her better. I want to have that chance.
Sometimes the weight of our guilt is too much to carry, but there are better ways out than death. Nobody puts more pressure on college students than the students themselves; we set standards too high, expect ourselves to be the Einstien of our field while still managing to have fun. To everyone who might feel stress and pressure bearing down, please, don't hesitate to drop whatever load you carry. It is better to merely abandon your responsibilities than to abandon your life altogether.
Cross your fingers for her, will you?
-Alan
A friend of mine, here at WU, drank alcohol and took too many sleeping pills last night. I noticed she wasn't in Psych lecture, so I asked around and learned what had happened. It beats all. It just beats all, I tell you.
I'm worried for her. I'm worried that being in the hospital will make her sadder. I'm worried that missing school and classes will only stress her out more. I'm worried that whatever is inside of her is destroying her, or has destroyed her already. I worry about these things because, quite simply, I don't know how she is. She is both alive and conscious; I know nothing else.
I'm scared of losing her, too. I'm scared that she'll get taken away, by doctors or her parents. That fear has creeped up on me as the day progressed. I'm scared that she might take herself away; run away or, God forbid, do something more self-destructive than booze and sleeping pills.
I'm not terribly close to her. We're more than tangential friends, but we haven't really come to an understanding yet. There is something about her that appeals to me, though; some divining sense in me, telling me to dig. I want to know her better. I want to have that chance.
Sometimes the weight of our guilt is too much to carry, but there are better ways out than death. Nobody puts more pressure on college students than the students themselves; we set standards too high, expect ourselves to be the Einstien of our field while still managing to have fun. To everyone who might feel stress and pressure bearing down, please, don't hesitate to drop whatever load you carry. It is better to merely abandon your responsibilities than to abandon your life altogether.
Cross your fingers for her, will you?
-Alan
posted by Alan Orlanski at 12:41 AM
1 Comments:
consider them crossed
-Kelsea
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