The Last Rites
Say goodbye, everyone, because in less than a day, I will die. You may think you see me around, you may even think that it's me answering my phone, but it's an impostor. Ask him, and he will betray his secret flaw: he is an entire year older than I am.
Part of my after-class routine is sitting on my beanbag, catching up on my webcomics, checking my mail, and essentially just loafing in cyberspace. It was sometime during today's performance of this routine that I realized that at 11:46 PM tomorrow, I will forever cease to be a teenager. Understandably, I wondered if there was any part of being a teenager that I had missed.
After many consultations with many insightful young men and women, we all concluded that I had been a very good teenager (or a very teenagery one, as Marina put it). I had : gotten in a car accident, destroyed an object out of frustration, argued with my parents over curfeiw, snuck out of the house, drank alcohol, smoked weed, kissed, dated, and had sexual intercourse, gotten a speeding ticket, stayed up all night, cut myself shaving, dyed my hair, driven at speeds over 100 mph outside of the state of Montana (no speed limits, ya' know), gone on vacation with my friends, gone on vacation by myself, seen a concert, driven to another city to see a concert, given someone flowers, made out in a movie theater, lost all of my clothes in strip BS, been attracted to an authority figure in my life, climbed onto a roof that I wasn't supposed to go on, played copious amounts of video games, ate far too much fast food, watched a teen-targeting TV melodrama over a significant period of time (The OC), watched "The Wizard of Oz" sync-ed to "Dark Side Of The Moon", fallen into a swimming pool while drunk and stoned, fallen into a swimming pool while sober, set useful objects on fire, played with gasoline..... there's a ton more, but it seems that I've done everything that I'm willing to do (examples of things I'm not willing to do : teen pregnancy (thanks, Lori), venereal disease, been arrested, or gotten a tattoo).... except get a piercing.
So I now sport a shiny stainless steel ring in the upper cartilage of my right ear.
I've still got just over 24 hours left, so if you have any things you think I might have missed, please comment as soon as possible.
-Alan
Part of my after-class routine is sitting on my beanbag, catching up on my webcomics, checking my mail, and essentially just loafing in cyberspace. It was sometime during today's performance of this routine that I realized that at 11:46 PM tomorrow, I will forever cease to be a teenager. Understandably, I wondered if there was any part of being a teenager that I had missed.
After many consultations with many insightful young men and women, we all concluded that I had been a very good teenager (or a very teenagery one, as Marina put it). I had : gotten in a car accident, destroyed an object out of frustration, argued with my parents over curfeiw, snuck out of the house, drank alcohol, smoked weed, kissed, dated, and had sexual intercourse, gotten a speeding ticket, stayed up all night, cut myself shaving, dyed my hair, driven at speeds over 100 mph outside of the state of Montana (no speed limits, ya' know), gone on vacation with my friends, gone on vacation by myself, seen a concert, driven to another city to see a concert, given someone flowers, made out in a movie theater, lost all of my clothes in strip BS, been attracted to an authority figure in my life, climbed onto a roof that I wasn't supposed to go on, played copious amounts of video games, ate far too much fast food, watched a teen-targeting TV melodrama over a significant period of time (The OC), watched "The Wizard of Oz" sync-ed to "Dark Side Of The Moon", fallen into a swimming pool while drunk and stoned, fallen into a swimming pool while sober, set useful objects on fire, played with gasoline..... there's a ton more, but it seems that I've done everything that I'm willing to do (examples of things I'm not willing to do : teen pregnancy (thanks, Lori), venereal disease, been arrested, or gotten a tattoo).... except get a piercing.
So I now sport a shiny stainless steel ring in the upper cartilage of my right ear.
I've still got just over 24 hours left, so if you have any things you think I might have missed, please comment as soon as possible.
-Alan
posted by Alan Orlanski at 11:44 PM
1 Comments:
Your list of things which somehow prove you had been very "teenagery" is rather long. Props to you, I suppose.
This, of course, only lends itself to making me feel very lacking in my own teenage existence...
^_^
But that's aiight. (yes, aiight)
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