You Still Believe In Me - The Beach Boys

True Redemption

"I know perfectly well I'm not where I should be
I've been very aware you've been patient with me
Every time we break up, you bring back your love to me
And after all I've done to you, how can it be
You still believe in me.
I try hard to be more what you want me to be
But I can't help how I act when you're not here with me.
I try hard to be strong, but sometimes I fail myself
And after all I've promised you
You still believe in me.
I wanna cry."

I had been saving this one. Eventually, I expect I will have used every song on Pet Sounds, but the timing of this one is particularly important. It is part history, part present, part future. I knew, just as I know now, that I'm not in a place where we can be together. I know that she forgives me for my mistakes. And she always accepts me back when I come to my senses. Only recently did she lose trust in me, in what I'm doing. I reminded her that she's never been wrong for trusting me before, and that the same should stay true. I am weak, and when I'm alone I get weak. Even when I'm not alone, I'm still very weak and stupid, but I'm working on all of that. She knows I'm working on it. She knows I'm trying to be a better man, she just doesn't know how openly I make these changes for her. I lied, I'll admit, but there are some lies worth telling. So I'm secretly harboring feelings for her, perhaps even an obsession for her. Like Elizabeth said, my world revolves around her, and it has for months. All the better when I no longer have to hide the feelings. I'm not trying to create a situation in which she'll feel guitly for living her life while I sat and waited for her. I honestly believe that, at the moment, this is what I am meant to do. I'm making no promises to her, because we don't speak in BELAJO. I just write everything down for the future.